The torturess state of desire often felt during ovulation seems to something not much talked about among women. Maybe because of hormonal methods of birth control interfering with natural hormones, many women don’t feel as I often do. The wild, reckless, violent all consuming power of it. I had it down merely as the drive to procreate but only recently have I realised that it can also be an incredible well of creative energy if it can be channelled that way. Sometimes the fantasies and urges become overwhelming, distracting and putting my body into a trembling skittish state which becomes all consuming and really I feel that nothing else but some sort of physical sexual release will do. I didn’t actually paint this picture during this phase but in the immediate aftermath, when my body had entered premenstrual territory. In the painting, however, I was trying to express that wild, thirsty, insatiable state.
I seem to be going through some sort of awakening. You could call it creative, sexual or spiritual. Some sort of detaching from the child I have been, maybe, all this time, because my children are becoming adults and I was in many ways still a child when I had them. I have been subsumed all this time in mothering my offspring and i have been partially submerged, awake but in another dimension. Throughout the last 17 years I have periodically partially surfaced releasing little creative explosions. But now, for the first time in my adult life, a bigger part of me is emerging out of mothering long enough to feel I am at the brink of something else. Something big and new, as big and new as mothering first was in it’s time.
I am entering new territory.
The painting was bought by a woman and it seemed to me that her reasons for buying it and what she said about the flux in her life has somehow merged with my own reasons for painting it and what the painting is about. Maybe the parallels in our lives regarding daughters becoming adults is why the painting spoke to her. Interesting how paintings can take on a life of their own that way.